Citrus C befriending egg-drop soup
I (Alta) almost always buy Citrus C when I buy juice. My reasoning is that it gives me the largest amount of vitamin C for my money's (D-bal's?) worth: 2000% of your daily value, according to the nutrition facts! If I feel like I might get sick, I just pre-emptively down a bottle of Citrus C and I immediately feel invincible. What about taste, you say? It's actually not that sweet and a little on the thick/pulpy side if you don't shake it well, but I enjoy its slight hint of guava and its healthy-tasting grapefruit/citrus feel. Yes, healthy is a taste, and it tastes like Citrus C.
Rating: 4 (yes, positive 4!)
Would drink again?: If you need to ask this question, you obviously didn't actually read the blog post.
Unfortunately, tripping out is not one of the side-effects of quaffing this. If only it were that cool.Rating (-5 to +5): -3.5.
Would drink again? If I get a million bucks for drinking a bottle.
Procrastinating on: Midterms (!!!)
The Blacker Horse looms above its puny offering, which is not enough to placate the deities of Olympus. It fluoresces red in anger above the ship of party-goers who do not realize the party would end soon...just kidding?Lemonade is another entry in the saga of "Odwalla screws up all flavors." It's too concentrated, too tart, and really not worth my d-bal for that giant jug. Meh.
Rating (-5 to +5): -2. Probably harsher than it deserves on its own, just because Odwalla screwed up such a nice flavor.
Would drink again? No, and I love lemonade.
Procrastinating on: Midterms (!!!)
Chocolate Protein basking in the sun with a very large number of lamp-posts in front of LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art)
I (Alta) think this "juice" isn't too bad, and I chugged half a bottle at lunch. Odwalla's chocolate protein really should not be categorized as a juice at all. It is pretty much identical to chocolate soymilk (Silk brand), which is to be expected, I guess, since the other Odwalla Protein tasted like vanilla soymilk. If you're not really into chocolate soy milk though, you might not like this (Helena didn't). Even I agree though that it seems like something about the drink could be improved -- maybe some more chocolate flavor? Maybe be a little less soymilk/protein-y and more watery? Or maybe we shouldn't have sampled it in a subway station after it had been unrefrigerated for an hour?
Rating: 0
Would drink again?: Only if someone gave me a bottle for free and I had a sudden urge to intake a large amount of protein really quickly.
Hey, Helena and I (Alta) have finished writing and recording The Juice Song, which features Helena singing and playing guitar, and Alta singing and doing percussion (shaking a juice bottle and hitting the ground with our rainstick)!
Download juicesong.mp3
In case above link dies, stream:
A music video is in the works.
The Juice Song Lyrics:
I was just a juice so chill
Until this fateful day.
Now I'm on this epic quest
And nothing will stand in my way.
I've watched a lot of movies
Where true love is found.
I hope I can do the same
After all this running around.
Hey!
CHORUS:
Juice, juice, juice, juice,
Where is my juice?
Juice, juice, juice, juice,
I want my juice!
x2
Yeah!
I don't want a pillow,
I don't want a cow,
All I want to have,
Is time with this juice, somehow!
I've searched the world, high and low,
But my dream's elusive,
I really can not find
Where my perfect juice is.
Hey!
CHORUS x2
Yeah!
I almost got drunk,
And I barely escaped,
I jumped into the next aisle,
And emerged unscathed
I don't know when I'll succeed
In finding this bottle of delight.
But as long as I'm alive,
I'll be looking day and night.
Hey!
CHORUS x2
Yeah!
Pomegranate Strawberry (Odwalla):
Helena -1
Karthik -1
Granton +1
Jeddy +1.5
David +3
Anonymous +2.5
Pomegranate (Naked):
Helena -3.5
Karthik +1
Granton +3.5
Jeddy +3
David -1
Anonymous +1
Pomegranate (Odwalla):
Helena -3.5
Karthik +1
Granton +3.5
Jeddy +4
David -1
Anonymous +1
Pomegranate Acai (Naked):
Helena -4
Karthik -2
Granton +1.25
Jeddy -2
David 0
Alta -2
Anonymous 0
Pomegranate Blueberry (Naked):
Helena -3.5
Karthik +2
Granton +2
Jeddy +2
Tony 0
David +4
Alta +2
Anonymous +2.5
Cherry Pomegranate Power (Naked):
Helena -4.5
Karthik +2
Granton 0
Jeddy -3
Tony -2
David -3
DK +1
Alta +1
Anonymous -1
Pomegranate Limeade (Odwalla):
Helena -0.5
Karthik +2.5
Granton +3
Jeddy +1
Tony +1
David +3
Alta -2
Anonymous +3
I (Alta) have decided to hijack this blog post and advertise Caltech Student Solar Initiative's Renewable Energy Credits! How it works: You give us $20, we give you a sticker, and your laptop is in effect powered by the solar panels we installed on top of Watson Lab! Unlike in other renewable energy credits though, the money will actually be going towards future sustainability projects at Caltech. Buy one by either emailing me (altafang@caltech.edu), buying online here, or finding me in my room. Thanks!
CSSI's website has more information.
Tangerine hits the Ruddock OPI dance floor.Tangerine! is an excellent juice. I adore tangerines, more than oranges, and this juice is definitely better than orange juice. The one slight issue I have is that it becomes slightly tart after you drink a lot, which slightly decreases its enjoyability. But it's still wonderful. And the first positive rating given by me here on Juice Blog! Whoa!
Rating (-5 to +5): 3. Yay!
Would drink again? Probably.
Procrastinating on: Finals (!!!)
We're screening juice club shirts this weekend, along with Dead Alley, and we are probably going to screen a few extra shirts, which you can purchase for 5 dollars. Comment or tell us if you're interested in one! You can pay $5 or more if you'd like, a lá Radiohead.
The following image is going on the front center:
On the front side, there will be a juice bottle saying "drink me".
Finally, on the back, it will have our url.
We haven't quite decided on a color scheme yet. Possibly white on purple?
Alta would like to remind you she is wearing a Decemberists shirt and you should go listen to them! While you are building Interhouse! [also, this photo concept was inspired by The Decemberists]As you may or may have not noticed, we are several posts behind. As a result, we may post juices out of order, as we are now (honestly, we are starting to forget what older juices taste like). I hope this does not induce stress in any obsessive-compulsive readers we may have.
Tropical is the least complicated juice I've seen thus far. Just orange, pineapple, apple, banana, and passion fruit, with no weird weeds or compounds. It's pretty decent and probably tastes like what orange+pineapple+apple+banana+passion fruit tastes like in your head, in case you're wondering. Of course, by decent I mean a slight negative rating because I still won't buy it. I don't like pineapple that much, which seems to take up much of the juice's composition. Sorry.
Rating (-5 to +5): -0.5.
Would drink again? At a party where the only beverages are mystery pink punch and this.
Procrastinating on: Math. (And Interhouse.)
The cryptic blurb on the juice says something about bringing out your inner bling. Or something. So we thought this is appropriate.Rating (-5 to +5): -1.5. The astute Juice Club fan will notice that it's the same I gave to Red Machine.
Would drink again? If faced with a weapon-wielding maniac demanding that I choose between this, Superfood, or eternal slumber.
Procrastinating on: I actually finished chemistry, so I guess life in general. Yes, you can procrastinate on life.
Juice and a sunset, somewhat ruined by my lack of photography/image editing skills
Apologies for the backlog on juice blog posts, but fear not, we're still drinking a juice a day, and we even have an awesome photo ready for the next post. Also, Juice Club is sponsoring Juice Bowling: The Alley Challenge, which was inspired by the aforementioned photo shoot.
So, about Tropical Energy. I (Alta) am quite enamored of it. While I agree with Helena in that it tastes a little like guava juice (even though guava is not an ingredient), I think it's quite tasty. Another strong point is that it's quite liquid/clear/not-smoothie-like, and I prefer the juices that are not so thick. Tropical Energy is quite sweet and possibly has a slight pineapple flavor as well. Others present at the juice sampling didn't really like the juice that much, so perhaps it depends on your taste.
Rating: 2 (high, I know, but I do like it.)
On a completely unrelated note, this song is pretty awesome:
Dimmer (mp3) by Bishop Allen
(Helena's edit: Hello, just a note to tell you how much I don't like this juice. I don't. It's pretty much guava juice and guava juice is nasty. That is all. Oh, and
Rating (-5 to 5): -1.5.
Current set I'm procrastinating on: chemistry...but I'm almost done! And I should go to class.)
Who knows what is around the corner, waiting to shoot you?Rating: -4.9
The guest blogger is on hiatus to recover from juice trauma. She will be posting soon. Or eventually. On the other hand, I (as in we, as in Helena and Alta) thought that it was quite decent and tastes pretty much like mango juice, which isn't bad at all. I (Helena) give it a zero.
Now, I want you to choose it from the lineup...To our beloved readers,
I am quite excited by the number of hits this blog is getting, and you are no doubt wondering if we will be updating soon. We have a guest blogger (in accordance with our "maximize the juice hate" policy) who will be dishing on Mo' Beta (what a name) soon, and more exciting things are in development as well:
- A new, juicy blog layout!
- A catchy juice song played by the club members!
- With a darling video starring juice!
- And of course, more awesome vitriol-filled reviews! We won't sell out to juice companies in hopes of getting free samples, ever!
Procrastinating on: Physics quiz, math midterm, and physics lab.
Hi, this is Alta blogging about Naked's Strawberry Kiwi Kick. Why not Helena? At "A Juice a Day", our goal is to maximize the amount of hate. Surprisingly, I, the leftover juice disposal who thinks everything is ok, disliked this juice more than any of the other members of Juice Club. Perhaps it was because I had some sweet Chinese candy right before drinking it, but even after I drank some more, I found it to be too sour for my taste. It even had a very slight bitter aftertaste. I guess its lack of sweetness makes sense, since it's labeled "No Sugar Added", but strawberry kiwi sounded so good that I had really high expectations, which were then dashed. If you put this in front of me, of course I'd drink it, but I wouldn't buy it.
Rating: -0.54321
(Helena editing: I like this juice better than Alta which is really weird indeed. It's not that sweet but strawberries and kiwis - at least juice quality - are not very sweet either, so it was ok. I didn't have high hopes because I pretty much don't like juice, so it didn't dash any. I'd give it a 0).
(Note: This is Helena hijacking Alta's account once again.)
Take notice, juice conglomerate executives: Superfood is how NOT to make juices. There are so many things wrong with it that this blog post will only attempt to fully skim the surface. In fact, it's time for a numbered list!
- The juice has exactly the same color as the pond in the picture above. This does not make anyone want to drink it. In fact, there are many good colors for juices but sludge is not one of them.
- And the consistency of slime.
- The description contains such marvelous praise as "gushing garden gulp." Subliminal warnings?
- Lovely ingredients such as wheat and barley grass, wheat sprouts, Jerusalem Artichoke (actually a sunflower - identity crisis, anyone?), and Nova Scotia Dulse (red algae). Exotic ingredients do not inspire juice confidence
- Smells dreadful. Kind of like beans, but nasty.
- Taste has a striking resemblance to vomit. This is the worst part, of course. The first ingredient is apple juice, which is twisted and mutated into something sour and disgusting by the other crap in this thing.
Taste (-5 to +5): -4.5. It's difficult to imagine something looking and tasting worse, but I have to save some spots for, I dunno, bitter melon juice?
Would drink again? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Current set I'm procrastinating on: Physics lab.
10:48 PM: I drink half a bottle. Tastes horrible. I would give it a -2.
12:22 PM: Yes, this is a really bad live-blog. I didn't blog for the longest time because nothing happened. I may have gotten a little flushed, but it was difficult to tell. Now, however, I seem to be slightly more awake. I don't know if this is due to the drink or because I passed the valley of sleepiness, but it could very possibly have something to do with the caffeine. Back to work on chem lab.
In conclusion: I seem to be pretty awake the next night, but it could have been due to not much sleep (Also, note that the bottle says 5-Hour Energy and not 24-Hour). Overall though, I'd say it didn't do much for me, so I've got lots and lots in my room for anyone who wants some energy (that may or may not happen) for their ACM 95 Set.
Not-photoshopped celebrity endorsement!Taste (-5 to +5) : -0.5. Not a huge fan of soymilk, especially this weird kind, but it is indeed mostly harmless.
Would drink again? If I were stuck on a desert island with nothing else to imbibe.
Current set I'm procrastinating on: Chem lab.
Doing some field work with its constituents.Here's exactly what this juice tastes like: you first taste apple, which leads you to think, hmm, this might not be so bad, but then the taste morphs into GRASS, which activates your gag reflex and makes you wonder who in the world buys this juice.
I am not exaggerating my response to this...thing, but apparently half of Juice Club actually likes grass (one calling it "rooty"), so I guess there's my answer.
Taste (-5 to +5): -3. I actually finished my sample unlike that evil Mojito juice.
Would drink again? Perhaps for a large amount of monetary reward.
Current set I'm procrastinating on: Chem lab.
Taste (-5 to +5): 0. I really tried to give it a positive rating, but I couldn't in the end. It really didn't do anything for me. Also it has 30g of sugar and not much of anything else in each serving.
Would drink again? No. :( I wish I liked it since all of Juice Club likes it except me, but alas.
Current set I'm procrastinating on: Still math and chem lab. I have actually done nothing from the last post to this one. Unfortunately.
Yesterday's juice selections (two to make up for the day before) were, unfortunately, both really, spectacularly awful in different ways.
The Mojito Mambo tastes like the Mojito gum I tried before (unsurprisingly), a sophisticated taste that my roommate calls "detergent." I'm not sure if the real alcoholic drink tastes like this monster, but I feel sorry it it does. From the description, you'd think that with prickly pear, lime and lemon you can't go wrong, but it tastes like hyper sweet death. Just awful. I couldn't even finish the tiny bit I poured into my own cup.
On the other hand, the Pomegranate Acai Berry (only 5% juice) tastes exactly like cherry cough syrup. It's as if the people at Fuze decided to make less viscous cough syrup and market it as something exotic and wonderful, which it does not.
Tastes (-5 to +5): -4 and -3. I think that there must be far worse juices out there and I'm limiting my options right now, but I can always kill my scale for something even more putrid.
Would drink again? If I want to punish myself.
Current set I'm procrastinating on: math and chem lab.
The awesome penguin pwning the terrible monster machine.
Despite the package saying that I will fall "head over heels," the only way I can see myself falling head over heels is to drink so much and faint from its awfulness. It's not exquisitely terrible as to be memorable, however. It's more like something that you sip and think, hmm, well, that was pretty bad, but not that bad. And yet you are unable to make much progress on the bottle, just like I am doing now.
As to what it actually is, Red Machine is a terrible machine of strawberries, raspberries, pomegranate, cranberries, apples, red grapes, oranges (???), and bananas (????). Besides the fact that oranges and bananas are not, last time I checked, red, I'm unsure why they were added as they do not improve the taste (orange juice and banana puree are in fact the 3rd and 4th largest ingredients ahead of many of their red compatriots). The dominant taste, although it is hard to tell, would be strawberry in my opinion, which does not do it any favor since real strawberry is far inferior to strawberry-flavored foods.
Taste (-5 to +5): -1.5. I should explain the scale right now. I think that scales should have negative values for things that have a negative impact on my life. Like this juice. 0 means it does nothing, and the rare positives will be ones that have improved my life.
Finished? Not even close
Would drink again? No.
Interesting ingredients: Flax seed, "natural flavors" (in addition to the huge conglomerate of juices already in there?)
Current set I'm procrastinating on: Physics
I had never tried Naked/Odwalla/Fuze juice before in my life. In fact, I am not a huge fruit juice fan. I have rarely finished juices, which is why I'm very glad this experiment will be done on D-Bal. It's just that by the 4th sip or so, the flavor starts getting old, and I start calling for my roommate(Hello!) to finish it for me.
In my research, I will strive to answer these fundamental questions:
- Why does almost every single fruit juice contain white grape juice?
- What other mysterious ingredients are in our juices?
- Why am I blogging about fruit juice instead of doing sets?
And of course, will there be a juice that I can finish one day out of my own volition?
Stay tuned!
Current music: Snow (Hey-Oh), Red Hot Chili Peppers
Current set I'm procrastinating on: Physics