We're screening juice club shirts this weekend, along with Dead Alley, and we are probably going to screen a few extra shirts, which you can purchase for 5 dollars. Comment or tell us if you're interested in one! You can pay $5 or more if you'd like, a lá Radiohead.
The following image is going on the front center:
On the front side, there will be a juice bottle saying "drink me".
Finally, on the back, it will have our url.
We haven't quite decided on a color scheme yet. Possibly white on purple?
Alta would like to remind you she is wearing a Decemberists shirt and you should go listen to them! While you are building Interhouse! [also, this photo concept was inspired by The Decemberists]As you may or may have not noticed, we are several posts behind. As a result, we may post juices out of order, as we are now (honestly, we are starting to forget what older juices taste like). I hope this does not induce stress in any obsessive-compulsive readers we may have.
Tropical is the least complicated juice I've seen thus far. Just orange, pineapple, apple, banana, and passion fruit, with no weird weeds or compounds. It's pretty decent and probably tastes like what orange+pineapple+apple+banana+passion fruit tastes like in your head, in case you're wondering. Of course, by decent I mean a slight negative rating because I still won't buy it. I don't like pineapple that much, which seems to take up much of the juice's composition. Sorry.
Rating (-5 to +5): -0.5.
Would drink again? At a party where the only beverages are mystery pink punch and this.
Procrastinating on: Math. (And Interhouse.)
The cryptic blurb on the juice says something about bringing out your inner bling. Or something. So we thought this is appropriate.Gold Machine is pretty much like its cousin(/sibling/rival) Red Machine, inasmuch they both taste pretty lame. It's golden kiwi and of course a bunch of random suspicious ingredients, which do not help it. In fact, it is so high on the meh-scale that I've run out of things to say.
Rating (-5 to +5): -1.5. The astute Juice Club fan will notice that it's the same I gave to Red Machine.
Would drink again? If faced with a weapon-wielding maniac demanding that I choose between this, Superfood, or eternal slumber.
Procrastinating on: I actually finished chemistry, so I guess life in general. Yes, you can procrastinate on life.
Rating (-5 to +5): -1.5. The astute Juice Club fan will notice that it's the same I gave to Red Machine.
Would drink again? If faced with a weapon-wielding maniac demanding that I choose between this, Superfood, or eternal slumber.
Procrastinating on: I actually finished chemistry, so I guess life in general. Yes, you can procrastinate on life.
Juice and a sunset, somewhat ruined by my lack of photography/image editing skills
Apologies for the backlog on juice blog posts, but fear not, we're still drinking a juice a day, and we even have an awesome photo ready for the next post. Also, Juice Club is sponsoring Juice Bowling: The Alley Challenge, which was inspired by the aforementioned photo shoot.
So, about Tropical Energy. I (Alta) am quite enamored of it. While I agree with Helena in that it tastes a little like guava juice (even though guava is not an ingredient), I think it's quite tasty. Another strong point is that it's quite liquid/clear/not-smoothie-like, and I prefer the juices that are not so thick. Tropical Energy is quite sweet and possibly has a slight pineapple flavor as well. Others present at the juice sampling didn't really like the juice that much, so perhaps it depends on your taste.
Rating: 2 (high, I know, but I do like it.)
On a completely unrelated note, this song is pretty awesome:
Dimmer (mp3) by Bishop Allen
(Helena's edit: Hello, just a note to tell you how much I don't like this juice. I don't. It's pretty much guava juice and guava juice is nasty. That is all. Oh, and
Rating (-5 to 5): -1.5.
Current set I'm procrastinating on: chemistry...but I'm almost done! And I should go to class.)
Who knows what is around the corner, waiting to shoot you?In continuation of the surprising turn of events for Strawberry Kiwi Kick, once again I (Alta) dislike a juice much more than Helena, interestingly. This time, our reactions were much more extreme, as I immediately began to suffer upon this juice entering my mouth, while Helena said that it was ok and tasted like chocolate milkshake. I found this juice to be slightly bitter and had difficulty finishing the small amount I poured into my cup. It is extremely thick and slightly medicinal, perhaps even bloody in taste. I have not tasted something this repulsive in quite a long time, and trying to drink more didn't really make my opinion any better. I like banana and I like chocolate, but this juice is just plain nasty.
Rating: -4.9
Rating: -4.9
Good luck on your balloon journey!
The guest blogger is on hiatus to recover from juice trauma. She will be posting soon. Or eventually. On the other hand, I (as in we, as in Helena and Alta) thought that it was quite decent and tastes pretty much like mango juice, which isn't bad at all. I (Helena) give it a zero.
Now, I want you to choose it from the lineup...To our beloved readers,
I am quite excited by the number of hits this blog is getting, and you are no doubt wondering if we will be updating soon. We have a guest blogger (in accordance with our "maximize the juice hate" policy) who will be dishing on Mo' Beta (what a name) soon, and more exciting things are in development as well:
- A new, juicy blog layout!
- A catchy juice song played by the club members!
- With a darling video starring juice!
- And of course, more awesome vitriol-filled reviews! We won't sell out to juice companies in hopes of getting free samples, ever!
Procrastinating on: Physics quiz, math midterm, and physics lab.
Uh, Helena, I think you might be doing the physics lab wrong....
Hi, this is Alta blogging about Naked's Strawberry Kiwi Kick. Why not Helena? At "A Juice a Day", our goal is to maximize the amount of hate. Surprisingly, I, the leftover juice disposal who thinks everything is ok, disliked this juice more than any of the other members of Juice Club. Perhaps it was because I had some sweet Chinese candy right before drinking it, but even after I drank some more, I found it to be too sour for my taste. It even had a very slight bitter aftertaste. I guess its lack of sweetness makes sense, since it's labeled "No Sugar Added", but strawberry kiwi sounded so good that I had really high expectations, which were then dashed. If you put this in front of me, of course I'd drink it, but I wouldn't buy it.
Rating: -0.54321
(Helena editing: I like this juice better than Alta which is really weird indeed. It's not that sweet but strawberries and kiwis - at least juice quality - are not very sweet either, so it was ok. I didn't have high hopes because I pretty much don't like juice, so it didn't dash any. I'd give it a 0).
Birds of a feather flocking together.
(Note: This is Helena hijacking Alta's account once again.)
Take notice, juice conglomerate executives: Superfood is how NOT to make juices. There are so many things wrong with it that this blog post will only attempt to fully skim the surface. In fact, it's time for a numbered list!
- The juice has exactly the same color as the pond in the picture above. This does not make anyone want to drink it. In fact, there are many good colors for juices but sludge is not one of them.
- And the consistency of slime.
- The description contains such marvelous praise as "gushing garden gulp." Subliminal warnings?
- Lovely ingredients such as wheat and barley grass, wheat sprouts, Jerusalem Artichoke (actually a sunflower - identity crisis, anyone?), and Nova Scotia Dulse (red algae). Exotic ingredients do not inspire juice confidence
- Smells dreadful. Kind of like beans, but nasty.
- Taste has a striking resemblance to vomit. This is the worst part, of course. The first ingredient is apple juice, which is twisted and mutated into something sour and disgusting by the other crap in this thing.
Taste (-5 to +5): -4.5. It's difficult to imagine something looking and tasting worse, but I have to save some spots for, I dunno, bitter melon juice?
Would drink again? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Current set I'm procrastinating on: Physics lab.
10:48 PM: I drink half a bottle. Tastes horrible. I would give it a -2.
12:22 PM: Yes, this is a really bad live-blog. I didn't blog for the longest time because nothing happened. I may have gotten a little flushed, but it was difficult to tell. Now, however, I seem to be slightly more awake. I don't know if this is due to the drink or because I passed the valley of sleepiness, but it could very possibly have something to do with the caffeine. Back to work on chem lab.
In conclusion: I seem to be pretty awake the next night, but it could have been due to not much sleep (Also, note that the bottle says 5-Hour Energy and not 24-Hour). Overall though, I'd say it didn't do much for me, so I've got lots and lots in my room for anyone who wants some energy (that may or may not happen) for their ACM 95 Set.
Not-photoshopped celebrity endorsement!So Almond Juice was second place on our informal whiteboard-on-door-poll (reading this means that you are now required to vote, either online or on door), but as it turns out it's not actually Almond Juice, but a "soymilk protein drink" with almond and other things (banana puree, cane juice...). As a result, it tastes pretty much like soymilk, except weird. So there is no reason to buy this overpriced thing when you can just get a large carton of soymilk for about the same.
Taste (-5 to +5) : -0.5. Not a huge fan of soymilk, especially this weird kind, but it is indeed mostly harmless.
Would drink again? If I were stuck on a desert island with nothing else to imbibe.
Current set I'm procrastinating on: Chem lab.
Taste (-5 to +5) : -0.5. Not a huge fan of soymilk, especially this weird kind, but it is indeed mostly harmless.
Would drink again? If I were stuck on a desert island with nothing else to imbibe.
Current set I'm procrastinating on: Chem lab.
Doing some field work with its constituents.Green juice is, of course, not just a little unsettling. The packaging promises that it will taste amazing with such disturbing ingredients as broccoli, spinach, blue green algae, garlic, ginger, parsley, and barley and wheat grass. Once again, one of the machines contain a good deal of ingredients that are not their color (mango puree, pineapple juice, and banana puree in this case), but it doesn't really matter in this case.
Here's exactly what this juice tastes like: you first taste apple, which leads you to think, hmm, this might not be so bad, but then the taste morphs into GRASS, which activates your gag reflex and makes you wonder who in the world buys this juice.
I am not exaggerating my response to this...thing, but apparently half of Juice Club actually likes grass (one calling it "rooty"), so I guess there's my answer.
Taste (-5 to +5): -3. I actually finished my sample unlike that evil Mojito juice.
Would drink again? Perhaps for a large amount of monetary reward.
Current set I'm procrastinating on: Chem lab.
Here's exactly what this juice tastes like: you first taste apple, which leads you to think, hmm, this might not be so bad, but then the taste morphs into GRASS, which activates your gag reflex and makes you wonder who in the world buys this juice.
I am not exaggerating my response to this...thing, but apparently half of Juice Club actually likes grass (one calling it "rooty"), so I guess there's my answer.
Taste (-5 to +5): -3. I actually finished my sample unlike that evil Mojito juice.
Would drink again? Perhaps for a large amount of monetary reward.
Current set I'm procrastinating on: Chem lab.
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